Finding out I was pregnant for the first time was AMAZE BALLS! I could hardly contain my excitement. Just a month earlier I had been pretty sad to take a negative test, which made this time even more joyous. I pretty much wanted to tell everyone right away, but I knew that’s not what most people do. So when is the right time to share the news?
Obviously you need to tell your spouse fairly quickly… Let me tell you a little story about how I totally botched this part. I adore whales, and my husband knows that. I frequently refer to myself as a whale (moderately condescendingly) and to our future child as Baby Beluga (lovingly). After I got a positive pregnancy test I ran to Target to find a beluga Tsum Tsum. I had decided to put the “baby beluga” in a box and give it to my husband that night. Of course Target had sold out of the beluga Tsum Tsum, so I had to come up with a plan B. Naturally, I thought it would be a good idea to text hubby and ask if he had a minute to talk. Rather than responding “yes”, as I had hoped, he called me directly, foiling my “perfect” plans. I said “No no no! Call me after you get my next text.” I then proceeded to send him two pictures: 1) a picture of a beluga mom and her pup, and 2) a picture of the positive test. LOL looking back I cringe at how terrible that was. He, of course, called me immediately to discuss with a tone of 1 part excited 2 parts terrified.
I often think about that day and how poor my choice was to tell him like that, but I also was SO excited that it didn’t really matter how I told him. So, is there a right or a wrong way? I don’t think so, but I would say there are BETTER ways. Some of you will want your husband with you when you take the test, others will make a big production out of it, and others might say “oh crap, what do we do now”. All of those are perfectly fine choices.
Shortly after I told hubby, I told M. She’s my go to at the office. Being friend and family (and a mom to five already), she is uniquely qualified to be in on all of my secrets and to be a source of endless knowledge. We discussed whether to tell other people or not. She pointed out that it’s sometimes better to wait awhile because if something were to go wrong it can be challenging to then share that with all of the people you told. But, this really depends on the individual. Some people wouldn’t mind then sharing the “bad” news, while for others, it would be painful every time someone asks about it. For me, I’d really like to have the the support of everyone if I ever had to cross that bridge. She also pointed out that HARDLY ANYONE CAN KEEP A SECRET! So you might think you are only telling your parents, when in reality you are telling your parents, their best friend, their best friend’s friend, their best friend’s friend’s daughter who happens to be in school with your brother, etc. So, you really have to know your audience! M’s parents are not talkers, so a secret is no problem. My parents on the other hand…let’s just say that word got around!
What you choose to do should be up to you and your partner and nobody else. If you are comfortable telling people GO FOR IT! Just be prepared to talk about everything else that goes with it. And if you want to wait, that’s perfectly fine too! Ultimately, I told a small handful of people (who then told another small handful of people) but it was ok. I was prepared to discuss the good, bad, and ugly with whomever.
After you get over your initial excitement, there is one more person you definitely have to tell: YOUR OBGYN! Go ahead and give them a call to make your first doctor’s appointment! Many doctors won’t want to see you until 6-8 weeks along because so much can happen before then. (And, believe it or not, the test they give you is pretty much what you’ve taken at home! M just might have taken 3 tests at home on her first pregnancy just to be sure.) At your first appointment they will do a sonogram and confirm that you have a healthy little peanut…or blob… in there. It really doesn’t look like much at that first visit. But it’s your blob and it’s the best feeling. We will talk more about sonograms in a later post. But that is definitely one person who needs to know pretty early in the process!
Who else to tell and when to tell them is a surprisingly stressful decision. Just know that whatever you choose is right for you and that’s what matters. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.